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Top Ten: Worst Summer Blockbuster Disappointments

sex and the cityThis article originally appeared in The University Observer on 16th April 2013.

10. Spider Man 3 (2007): After two decent Spider-Man films, somebody somewhere decided to release this trash. They opted to leave out the storyline, so it consists of Spider-Man sitting around looking thoughtful on window ledges. A must for sight-seers.

9. The Haunting (1999): Set around a group of young people going to a haunted mansion for a terrifying experiment, this is certainly a summer blockbuster to avoid. It’s 113 minutes of people sitting around looking scared, mirrors and special effects that would give 1990s kids’ TV shows a run for their money.

8. Van Helsing (2004): What begins as a tale of Van Helsing’s ass kicking ways quickly descends into a farce that few could have predicted. It may have satisfied the Goths and pre-emos of the decade, but it did nothing for everybody else, including the careers of Hugh Jackman and Kate Beckinsale.

7. Evening (2007): With a cast that would leave Hollywood’s jaw firmly on the ground, it was perhaps a surprise that this drama became one of 2007’s greatest disappointments. Despite its strong performances, its sentimental tone clashes with the harsh drama of rejected romance.

6. Pearl Harbor (2001): Michael Bay’s adaptation of the tragedy of Pearl Harbor fails on every level. Essentially trying to be Titanic but in war-movie style, it is a monumental failure for its wooden dialogue and sentimentality.

5. Green Lantern: What should have been every teenage nerd’s dream rapidly turned into catastrophe. It was made famous when swarms of teenagers emerged from theatres looking somewhere between anger and hurt.

4. The Last Airbender (2010): With a budget of $130 million, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to have some small semblance of hope that this could amount to something. Sadly, it is not the story that made this film so dreadful; rather, it is the painful dialogue that clearly had no time or effort invested in it.

3. Catwoman (2004): It’s not that the tale of a painfully shy graphic designer turned crazy woman/cat/thing is all that bad; rather, it’s the fact that clearly nobody except Halle Berry made any effort to make this film watchable.

2. Godzilla (1998): Known as ‘money making racket’ in some regions, this disaster movie revolves around a giant lizard. I rest my case.

1. Sex and the City 2 (2010): Sex and the City was hard to sit through during its television series stint, so naturally, not one, but two movies were never going to be a fun addition. In this film, Sarah Jessica Parker and company work hard at undoing all that has been done by feminism, by coming across as silly, self-obsessed narcissists with serious daddy issues.

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